trickle of consciousness (poking at shadows)

The cold that's presently squatting on my shoulder has me in a rambling state of mind. So, I figure what better time for some actual writing? I suspect this usually happens (and if you've been reading this thing for long, you'll notice that it is usually when I'm sick that I get into these moods) because few things will lower a person's guard (without actually debilitating them) like being distracted by a little gargoyle of a cold playing silly buggers with one's sinuses. It's the combination of light-headedness and slightly glum pensiveness that does it...

Generally speaking, I tend to keep my deeper, more soul-searchy thoughts to myself. I suspect that this is largely because, when I was small, the people around me often seemed to use any opening up on my part as an excuse for verbal target practice. So, however many years later, we have the blank and/or uninterestingly, happily everyday front, that only the absolute nearest of my dearest generally get past. This troubles me, because I hate to think that those petty and worthless people could still have that kind of power over me, but I suppose that's largely the case... *broods and decides not to delete this bit against my better judgement*

I dislike exhibiting my weaknesses, once again largley due to the unpleasantness in my youth. On the one hand, I don't like to sound like I'm whining (because the last thing I expect or want is for anyone else to try to fix my problems. They're mine, and as such it's my responsibility and right to be the one to eventually triumph over them) and on the other, there are once again those warning bells--part of me still expecting to get jumped on by people only too happy to point out the ways in which I'm less. While I don't and never have bought into that bullshite, I am perfectly capable of sighting out my own flaws thankyouverymuch.

Hmmmm, inspiration hitting... must run...